Talking in circles

Sometimes talking to patients seems like talking in circles.

We were called to belly pain. Dispatch said our patient had his gall bladder removed the week before. I commented to my partner on the way to the call "let me guess, he hasn't taken his pain killers and now he's hurting?". Boy do I hate being right sometimes.

Inside the house we question the man. He is making his wife comb his hair so he can look nice for the ride. He and his wife both have a history of some pretty high anxiety issues, so this gets interesting really fast. He tells us a bit of the story, that he was in and out of the hospital then had his gall bladder removed but "doesn't like the way the painkillers make me feel" only now it hurts to breathe. And stand up. And sit. And lie down. (I resisted the urge to ask about rolling over or playing dead).

EMS crew: "So, how long were you in the hospital for?"

Gallbladder Guy: "I wasn't IN the hospital! I was only there for four days!"

Voice in my head: "ummmmmm........ moving right along"

EMS crew: You take (blood pressure medicine). How long have you had a history of hypertension?

Gallbladder guy: "I DON'T have a history of it!!! It just started four years ago!!!" (He says defensively)

Speechless, blank stare. Blink........blink blink. Deep breath.

He climbs onto the stretcher and we buckle him in. We ask what hospital he would like us to transport him to and he answers. His anxious wife watches us raise the stretcher up, then asks nervously, "Are......are you.....taking him?"

Voice in my head: "No lady. We are going out for ice cream and might get some cotton candy on the way back. I heard the circus was in town and he looks like he could use a good laugh. After that, we're gonna go get pedicures and maybe a tattoo."

Actual response: "Yes Ma'am."

We get him into the truck and can tell he's in pain, so we ask more questions to relate to the hospital. (And on a side note, I have absolutely NO idea WHY we bother doing this because 98% of our patients will tell the EMS responders one story, the nurse a different story, the registrar a taller tale, then the doc gets something totally different entirely, but old habits die hard I guess, so we keep on asking.)

I ask if he has eaten any fattier foods since his surgery. He guffaws and retorts "Nope. Just Christmas leftovers. You know, ham, dressing, some cake".

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath............

As my partner releases the brakes to begin our transport, he puts the final straw on the camel's back with "What the heck are we waiting on?"